How to Get Your Teenager to Participate in Therapy
If you are a parent of a teenager who is struggling, you may already know how hard it can be to offer help and have it received. Maybe you have brought up therapy only to be met with a shrug, a flat “I’m fine,” or a door quietly closing in your face. You might feel helpless watching them withdraw, lash out, or seem overwhelmed by emotions they are not ready to talk about. As much as you want to support them, the question hangs in the air: how do you actually get your teenager to participate in therapy?
This is a challenge many parents face. Teenagers are in a complicated stage of development. They are seeking independence, figuring out who they are, and testing boundaries, all while navigating big feelings, social pressures, and academic demands. The idea of sitting down with a therapist, especially one they did not choose, may feel like one more thing they cannot control. But that does not mean therapy is out of reach. It just means the path to it needs to be thoughtful, respectful, and patient.
At Harbour Family Counselling, we often work with parents who want to bring their teens into counselling for families with teens. One of the first things we encourage is a shift in approach. Rather than focusing on how to get your teen to agree, the conversation becomes about how to invite them into something that could feel safe and helpful, even if they are hesitant.
Teenagers, like all people, are more likely to engage when they feel autonomy and emotional safety. This starts with how therapy is introduced. Instead of saying, “You need help,” or “We’re going to fix this,” try focusing on what therapy might offer. You can say, “You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to, but this is a place where you get to have someone on your side,” or “It’s not about changing you. It’s about having space to figure things out without pressure.”
Some teens fear that therapy means they are broken, in trouble, or that the therapist will take the parent’s side. Reassure them that therapy is not about blame. Let them know the therapist is there to support everyone, not to judge or criticize. If the counselling includes family sessions, make it clear that you are also willing to do your part, and that you are not asking them to show up alone in the work. This sense of shared effort can make a big difference in how they receive the idea.
If your teen is completely resistant, it can help to offer a short-term commitment. Something like, “Let’s try three sessions. After that, you can decide if you want to keep going.” Sometimes just knowing there is an exit option takes the pressure off. Teens want to feel in control of their own journey, and starting small can give them a sense of ownership.
It is also important to choose a therapist who feels like a good fit for your teen. Personality matters. Some teens respond well to a calm, soft-spoken therapist. Others feel more at ease with someone who is energetic or relatable. If possible, include your teen in the process of selecting a counsellor. Show them a few bios. Let them pick which one they want to try. Even this small choice can help them feel respected and more open to the process.
In many cases, it helps to start with a family session. Counselling for families with teens is not always about diving straight into their personal challenges. It can begin with more general conversations about how the family communicates, what has been feeling tense at home, or what support looks like for each person. These shared sessions build trust. They give the teen a chance to experience therapy without feeling like they are under a microscope. And they show that the adults in the room are also willing to grow and reflect.
Sometimes it takes a few sessions for a teenager to open up. That is completely normal. Therapy is not about rushing someone to talk. It is about building a relationship where talking becomes safe. The therapist will go at your teen’s pace, often beginning with neutral or light topics before gradually moving into more personal territory. This process may be slower than you hoped, but the trust being built is worth it.
Keep in mind that your own tone and expectations matter. If you are coming from a place of anxiety, desperation, or control, your teen will feel that. If you can approach them with openness and care, even when they push back, you are modeling the kind of emotional presence that therapy is designed to support. You can say, “I know this might feel uncomfortable. I’m just asking you to try. You don’t have to like it. You just have to show up.”
Even outside of therapy, small changes at home can help create the kind of atmosphere that supports emotional openness. Be curious without being intrusive. Make time for one-on-one connection, even if it’s just a short drive or sitting together after dinner. Show them that they can come to you without being fixed or judged. Over time, this kind of parenting presence can soften resistance and help your teen feel more open to outside support.
Every teen is different. Some jump into therapy and find it life-changing right away. Others take time to warm up. Some benefit more from family sessions than individual ones. What matters most is that they know you are on their side, not because you are trying to fix them, but because you care about how they feel and want to walk beside them as they figure things out.
If you are trying to support a teenager who seems stuck, overwhelmed, or shut down, therapy can help. And if you are not sure how to get started, you do not have to figure it out alone.
Counsellors in Victoria, BC
We are counsellors in Victoria, BC. Choose one of our therapists who feels like the best fit for you and your family, and book a free consultation call so we can get you started. Let’s take the next step together toward clarity, calm, and connection right where it matters most.
