Parenting Wisdom from Dr. Becky
Dr. Becky Kennedy has quickly become one of the most trusted voices in modern parenting. Her compassionate, psychologically grounded approach has resonated with millions of parents looking for guidance that feels both practical and deeply human. Known for her tagline “Good Inside,” Dr. Becky’s philosophy emphasizes that even when kids behave badly, they are still good inside—and so are parents.
At Harbour Family Counselling, we share this belief. Like Dr. Becky, we see parenting as an emotional relationship rather than a list of techniques. Families thrive when connection, boundaries, and emotional validation work together to support growth. In this article, we explore the core ideas of Dr. Becky’s parenting method and how they can help you show up for your child with confidence and compassion.
Seeing the Good Inside
At the heart of Dr. Becky’s work is the idea that both children and parents are fundamentally good inside. This perspective shifts the conversation from blame and shame to curiosity and understanding. Instead of thinking “What’s wrong with my child?” the question becomes “What’s going on with my child?”
This approach doesn’t ignore difficult behavior, but it changes how we respond to it. When a child hits, screams, or lies, it’s often a sign that something is too big for them to handle alone. Dr. Becky encourages parents to hold the boundary—“It’s not okay to hit”—while also connecting emotionally—“I know you’re having a really hard time.”
This dual response of limit-setting and emotional validation teaches children that their feelings are acceptable, even if all actions aren’t. It’s a message many adults wish they’d received growing up, and one that can powerfully reshape a parent-child relationship.
The Power of Co-Regulation
Emotional regulation is a cornerstone of healthy development—but kids don’t learn it on their own. They learn it through co-regulation: the process of borrowing an adult’s calm when they’re upset. Dr. Becky teaches that when children are in distress, they need a calm, steady presence more than anything else.
This can be difficult, especially when a child’s behavior triggers our own frustration, fear, or guilt. That’s why Dr. Becky focuses so much on helping parents regulate themselves first. “You go first,” she often says, meaning that parents set the emotional tone.
When you stay grounded during your child’s meltdown—not by ignoring it, but by anchoring yourself—you’re showing them how to stay present with big feelings. Over time, this builds emotional resilience. In therapy, we often support parents in learning these self-regulation tools so they can model them at home.
Boundaries are Kindness
A common misconception about gentle parenting is that it avoids limits. Dr. Becky dispels this idea completely. Boundaries, she says, are a form of love. Children feel safest when they know that someone is strong enough to guide them.
The key is how those boundaries are communicated. Dr. Becky encourages parents to set firm limits while staying connected emotionally. Instead of punishing a child for refusing to brush their teeth, a parent might say, “I know you don’t want to brush. I hear you. And it’s time to brush now.” The boundary holds, but the connection remains intact.
This balance can be difficult to strike, especially when we’re tired or stretched thin. But it’s what helps kids grow into emotionally secure and responsible people. It’s also what helps reduce power struggles over time, since children feel respected even when they don’t get their way.
Repair Over Perfection
No parent gets it right all the time. In fact, Dr. Becky believes that mistakes are part of healthy parenting. What matters more than getting everything right is what happens afterward.
When you lose your temper, forget something important, or say something you regret, the repair is what counts. A sincere apology—“I shouldn’t have yelled, and I’m sorry”—models accountability and emotional maturity. It tells your child that relationships can be messy, but they can also be mended.
This lesson is deeply healing not just for kids, but for parents too. Many of us were raised in homes where mistakes weren’t acknowledged. Offering repair teaches your child that love can be steady, even through conflict.
Parenting Yourself First
Another powerful message from Dr. Becky is that parenting isn’t just about the child—it’s also about the parent. Many of the hardest moments in parenting stem from our own unmet needs or childhood experiences. That’s why Dr. Becky encourages parents to be curious about their reactions and to show themselves the same compassion they offer their children.
When you feel triggered by your child’s behavior, it can be helpful to ask, “What does this remind me of?” or “What part of me is hurting right now?” Parenting yourself—acknowledging your emotions, setting internal boundaries, and offering self-soothing—is a skill that improves your parenting from the inside out.
In family counselling, we often work with parents to untangle these internal dynamics. By healing your own emotional patterns, you free your child from carrying their weight. You also become a more grounded, confident guide in their life.
Conclusion
Dr. Becky’s parenting philosophy is a breath of fresh air in a world of conflicting advice. It centers on connection over control, repair over perfection, and empathy over quick fixes. Her work empowers parents to trust themselves, hold boundaries with confidence, and build deep, secure relationships with their children.
At Harbour Family Counselling, we support parents who are doing the brave work of raising emotionally healthy families. Whether you’re dealing with tantrums, sibling conflict, anxiety, or burnout, we’re here to help you apply these principles in a way that fits your unique family dynamic.
If you’re ready to move from chaos to connection, therapy and counselling can provide the support and tools you need. Like Dr. Becky says, you are good inside—and so is your child.
Counsellors in Victoria, BC
We are counsellors in Victoria, BC. Choose one of our therapists who feels like the best fit for you and your family, and book a free consultation call so we can get you started. Let’s take the next step together toward clarity, calm, and connection right where it matters most.
