The Rise of Positive Parenting
The way we parent our children has changed dramatically over the past century. Once rooted in obedience and discipline, parenting today is increasingly centered around empathy, connection, and emotional development. This shift didn’t happen by accident. It emerged from decades of psychological research, cultural shifts, and a growing awareness of how children’s early experiences shape their lives.
Positive Parenting is one of the most widely recognized outcomes of this shift. It’s not a trend or a fad—it’s a reflection of deeper changes in how we understand children, relationships, and human development. At Harbour Family Counselling, we help families navigate this modern approach every day. In this article, we’ll explore where Positive Parenting came from, what it replaced, and why it continues to resonate with families today.
What Came Before: Obedience and Control
For much of the 20th century, parenting in Western cultures was heavily influenced by authoritarian values. Children were expected to be seen and not heard. Obedience was prized above all, and discipline often came in the form of punishment. Spanking, threats, and shame were common tools, seen as necessary to shape good behavior and ensure respect.
This approach was partly cultural, but it was also informed by early psychology and behaviorism. Thinkers like B.F. Skinner believed that children could be molded through rewards and punishments, much like lab animals. The emotional experience of the child—what they felt and why they acted out—was often ignored in favor of compliance.
Many adults who grew up in these environments learned to suppress their feelings or carry internalized shame into adulthood. While some developed resilience, others struggled with anxiety, disconnection, and a fear of vulnerability. These emotional patterns often show up in counselling, especially when parents notice they’re repeating cycles they never meant to.
The Turning Point: Attachment and Emotional Development
The seeds of Positive Parenting were planted in the mid-20th century when researchers began to explore how early relationships shape the brain and emotional well-being. Psychologist John Bowlby’s work on attachment theory laid the foundation. He showed that children need more than structure—they need secure emotional bonds with their caregivers to thrive.
Attachment theory revealed that when children feel safe, seen, and soothed, they grow into adults who can regulate emotions, form healthy relationships, and face life’s challenges with resilience. This challenged the prevailing belief that too much attention or affection would spoil a child.
In the 1960s and 70s, pediatricians like Dr. T. Berry Brazelton and child psychologists such as Haim Ginott and Rudolf Dreikurs began offering alternatives to harsh discipline. They promoted empathy, emotional validation, and respectful communication. Instead of viewing misbehavior as defiance, they saw it as a signal of unmet needs.
These ideas slowly entered the mainstream, fueled by shifting social values, greater attention to mental health, and a growing awareness of children’s rights.
The Emergence of Positive Parenting
By the late 20th century, the term “Positive Parenting” began to take hold. It refers to an approach that combines warmth, guidance, and clear expectations. Rather than using fear or control, Positive Parenting focuses on building a strong parent-child relationship, supporting emotional development, and teaching life skills through connection.
Positive Parenting assumes that children do well when they can. When they don’t, it’s our job as caregivers to figure out what’s getting in the way. This could be a skill they haven’t mastered yet, a boundary that needs reinforcement, or an emotion they don’t know how to handle.
The approach draws heavily from the work of modern psychologists and educators like Dr. Jane Nelsen (author of Positive Discipline), Dr. Laura Markham (Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids), and Dr. Becky Kennedy (Good Inside). These voices emphasize that connection is not a reward for good behavior—it’s the foundation for healthy development.
Why It Matters Now
Positive Parenting isn’t just a theory—it’s a response to the realities of parenting today. Parents are more aware of mental health, more connected to information, and more reflective about the kind of relationships they want to build with their children.
At the same time, families are under more pressure. Busy schedules, economic stress, and the rise of digital technology have created new challenges for emotional connection. Children are facing anxiety and overwhelm at younger ages. Parents often find themselves caught between wanting to be gentle and needing to hold firm limits.
This is where Positive Parenting offers a roadmap. It doesn’t mean saying yes to everything. It means staying connected, even when you’re saying no. It means offering support through the hard moments, not just celebrating the easy ones.
In therapy and counselling, we often help parents implement these principles in real life—when emotions are high, when the old scripts kick in, and when confidence feels hard to come by. Positive Parenting is not about being perfect. It’s about showing up with presence and compassion, over and over again.
How It’s Doing Today
Positive Parenting has grown in popularity, especially through social media, podcasts, and online communities. Parents around the world are engaging with ideas that prioritize emotional attunement, self-regulation, and respectful discipline.
While some critics argue that Positive Parenting can be too permissive, its strongest advocates are quick to clarify: it’s not about giving in. It’s about showing up. It’s about teaching boundaries with kindness, and holding space for feelings while also holding structure.
Scientific research continues to support the approach. Studies show that children raised with high levels of warmth and clear, consistent boundaries tend to do better emotionally, socially, and academically. They are more likely to develop empathy, resilience, and healthy coping skills.
Conclusion
The rise of Positive Parenting marks a profound shift in how we understand childhood, authority, and family connection. What began as a quiet challenge to rigid discipline has grown into a movement grounded in science, compassion, and hope.
At Harbour Family Counselling, we’re proud to be part of this movement. We believe in meeting families where they are—with curiosity, not judgment. If you’re ready to build a home where connection and calm can thrive, therapy and counselling can help you learn the tools to get there.
You don’t have to repeat the patterns you grew up with. You don’t have to parent alone. And you don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be present. That’s the heart of Positive Parenting.
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